WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
