so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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