..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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