I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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