just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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