I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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