If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
