u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
