Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
