I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
