Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
