I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
