I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
