Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
