based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize