I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Every concussion has its silver lining
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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