Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She told me I should be a condom model.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
