she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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