Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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