i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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