1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
