There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
