i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
