Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
