She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
