Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
