Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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