i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
