She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize