That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
