Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
