similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
