I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
