a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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