I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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