Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
