i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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