Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
