I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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