Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
where are you?
Hypothermia
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize