dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
