I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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