i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize