i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
