even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I came so hard my ears popped.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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