Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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