my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
