Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
