So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
