ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
