it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
