can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
