Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i barfeds in our rink
handjob tips. give me some.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
