One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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