So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
