Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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