I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i would one night stand the shit outta him
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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