I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
