I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
