no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
