Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
