Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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