Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
