Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
