Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
When did angry sex become our thing?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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