I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Randomize
