you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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