Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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