oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
In other news, I just burned my penis
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
