I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
