I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
